Here’s the thing about losing friends… You can never truly prepare yourself for it. Even when you have a feeling for weeks, months or even a year that your friendship has faded when it actually disappears you never see it coming.
In life we are fortunate enough to have many people come and form an imprint in our world. We open up and share a piece of ourselves in every conversation, in every memory, in every word. We let people in our thoughts and deepest secrets which often takes more than enough courage to admit to ourselves let alone a friend. We form bonds filled with trust and understanding. We bare all and shrink down to our most vulnerable states. We let others in on our struggles and let them help carry us through our burdens. They make us feel like we have a safe place to land when we feel nothing but silence.
We grow every day, every hour, every minute, every second. We become the people we always were but had to take the time to discover who we truly are for ourselves. Friends help in self discovery. Often times they bring out different parts of you. You become more open about what you desire in life, who you want to be and what you will become. Support plays a important role in friendships. Personally support means everything to me. I don’t need validation from people but to know that my family and friends support me in the things I chose to do in life, shows me they care and are standing beside me on my journey.
I’ve lost friends in my life through the years because of many things. Some friendships ended because we simply grew apart, we had some fight that (at the time) seemed to be impossible to get over, they no longer wanted to be my friend, things got complicated, it didn’t feel right anymore, they changed, I changed, things got toxic, lies were formed, they decided the friendship no longer serves them, etc..
The thing is… No matter how things end and for whatever reason things end, it still hurts. I had to grow up fast when I was a kid. My parents got a divorce, I was dealing with many mental health issues and I was doing my best to be strong for my family. I grew up being the “tough” kid. Often times friends would say I didn’t feel. I didn’t have emotions. I seemed to laugh my way through life without a serious bone in my body. When I was struggling the most I got quiet and my smile didn’t seem to exist. Then suddenly my friends didn’t want to be around that much. I wasn’t fun anymore. They were always about having fun.
I’m never going to force someone to be apart of my life. I recently lost a friend who I knew for years. Here and there I thought maybe this isn’t gonna work out but we were always so close and knew so much about each other. Comfort quickly set it. I received a lot of help and a listening ear when I really needed it. I found friendship in this person because they were willing to be my friend with everything that I am. They didn’t become my friend for the good times only. I didn’t know what having a friend really felt like, other than my best friend, Sarah.. This was the first person to like me for me and accept everything that I am. For the first time I didn’t feel like I was alone. I didn’t feel like I had to change. I didn’t feel compared. I was just Kelsey.
People aren’t perfect. You can’t be friends with them only when their happy. You sign up in a friendship for the good and bad times. You are there to enjoy the good experiences with them and you are there to help when things get hard. Even though I am no longer friends with that person, I don’t regret our friendship. Maybe they chose to go a different direction in life and didn’t see our friendship making the final cut. Sometimes people no longer find you being in their life a necessity for whatever reason. I don’t regret any friendship that didn’t work out in my life. Cliche as it is, each one taught me something. As long as they lasted, they brought me some of the best times of my life. Although it sucks to lose friends, be grateful for the good things and the bad that came from them because they helped shape you into who you are.
Be who you are and the right people will find you.. 💙