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Waiting in my silent room

Tears fill my eyes as the yelling comes closer

At five years old divorce came knocking at my bedroom door

It entered without warning

Entering my thoughts and dreams

Making me relive every painstaking memory

It controls me now

It keeps me trapped in the past

Nothing belongs to me anymore

It takes over my body

Pain like my insides are being torn apart

I break into a cold sweat

I feel nervous and numb

But can’t seem to find an exit

I feel the excruciating pain run through my veins

It’s the drug that controls my unbearable actions

Crying myself to sleep each night

It reminds me daily of their mistake

Yelling, fighting, hitting

My guilt won’t disappear

It lets me blame myself for their problem

Bad things start to happen

I can’t stop these forceful acts

Performed upon myself

When I try to escape

It grabs hold of me with its diseased hands

And jerks me back into its treacherous arms

I know it’s not my burden

But it disagrees

We kept us together

And then it broke us apart

Lies, Trust, Money

It’s taken my faith

And left me with my weaknesses

Scars, depression, death

It left me with a broken home

Empty promises full of lies

Be perfect, do everything right

I can’t make mistakes

It will be disappointed in me again

It’s expecting perfection

I’m not good enough

Manipulation, damaged, family war

Is it over yet? Is it gone?

It’s been twelve years

And it still won’t set me free


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