4/7/11
“Alone”
Waiting in my silent room
Tears fill my eyes as the yelling comes closer
At five years old divorce came knocking at my bedroom door
It entered without warning
Entering my thoughts and dreams
Making me relive every painstaking memory
It controls me now
It keeps me trapped in the past
Nothing belongs to me anymore
It takes over my body
Pain like my insides are being torn apart
I break into a cold sweat
I feel nervous and numb
But can’t seem to find an exit
I feel the excruciating pain run through my veins
It’s the drug that controls my unbearable actions
Crying myself to sleep each night
It reminds me daily of their mistake
Yelling, fighting, hitting
My guilt won’t disappear
It lets me blame myself for their problem
Bad things start to happen
I can’t stop these forceful acts
Performed upon myself
When I try to escape
It grabs hold of me with its diseased hands
And jerks me back into its treacherous arms
I know it’s not my burden
But it disagrees
We kept us together
And then it broke us apart
Lies, Trust, Money
It’s taken my faith
And left me with my weaknesses
Scars, depression, death
It left me with a broken home
Empty promises full of lies
Be perfect, do everything right
I can’t make mistakes
It will be disappointed in me again
It’s expecting perfection
I’m not good enough
Manipulation, damaged, family war
Is it over yet? Is it gone?
It’s been twelve years
And it still won’t set me free
throughkelseyseyes 